November 10 - Velveeta: Cheese Food of the Gods

Goatview Farm - The Saint Report

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November 10
Velveeta: Cheese Food of the Gods

I contacted some of the webmasters for the links given below, asking if they would be interested in forming a Velveeta Webring. You know what I mean...each of our websites would have a little Velveeta box at the bottom and the words VELVEETA WEBRING, NEXT SITE, RANDOM, etc. You would have been able to jump from one Velveeta site to another lickety-split. If you wanted to. Anyway, as Yogi Berra either said or might still say, the response was underwhelming. I think I scare some people.

Saints celebrating feast days today include Saint Leo the Great, Saint Andrew Avellino, Saint Theoctista, Saint Aedh Mac Bricc, and Saint Justus of Canterbury.

Celebrating birthdays today: Ann Reinking (1949), Tim Rice (1944), Roy Scheider (1935).

So we are on our own here.

First, what the hell IS processed cheese anyway?

Processed cheese, or American cheese, is cheese that is treated by pasteurization and the addition of preservatives and more moisture for spreadability and ease of melting. If it is called cheese FOOD, as is the case with Velveeta, the product needs to contain only 51% real cheese.

Most of the people who prefer Velveeta over real cheese also prefer Miracle Whip over mayonnaise. I'm not passing any judgements here--it is simply a matter of taste. Or lack of it.

Now here is an interesting site: Complaints.com. Here is their featured Complaint of the Day for May 28, 2001:

FROM: Joy Lynn Collins [joylynn@aros.net]

RE: velveeta cheese

I have enjoyed for many years having a grilled cheese sandwich. It is a lunch special. However, I have been very disappointed in your cheese in the large box.

What happend to the soft, creamy CHEESE tasting like cheese you used to make? The cheese now tastes terrible. I doesn't have the creamy milk taste. It doesn't melt like it used to and quite frankly it sucks.

I have not been able to afford to buy more than one box at a time but recently I have been able to purchase two each trip to the store. I used in on brocolli, sandwiches, hamburgers, hotdogs, just about everything. We used to take it camping and fishing with us. My family said it made excellent bait.

But it was to good to waste like that, but now I don't care. I am sorry to be so blunt, but I am really disappointed and upset with Kraft for lowering its standards. I use Kraft products for nearly everything I buy whenever possible.

Please bring back the old velveeta cheese.

Thank you,

Joy Lynn Collins
PO Box 270
Grantsville, Utah 84029

Kraft, the company that brought us not only Velveeta and Miracle Whip but also Kool-Aid, Jell-O, and Stove Top Stuffing, lower its standards? Where the heck can they go from where they are? Sigh.

And someone said that irony had died when G.W. Bush was elected president.

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Must-See Velveeta Links

A very frightening site that answers the cosmic question: When 5% of your consumer base buys 75% of your product -- how do you drive those users to purchase more?

Another frightening site that answers the cosmic question: What do you do with 30 pounds of Velveeta?

The Velveeta Room in Austin.

Velveeta Poem.

Images from the Velveeta camera.

National Velveeta. Comedy troupe.

Velveeta.com. The Kraft site. Uninspired.

Velveeta: Penn State's eighties party band.

The Velveeta Underground. Another band.

The Velveeta Rabbit. This is a transformation story in a transformation story archive. Apparently transformation is a big deal to some people because there is even a transformation webring.

Velveeta can be shipped to Africa!

OK...here's a recipe for something called Velveeta Fudge. The recipe says that it lasts for months. I have a can of cuttlefish that I picked up at the Asian market just for laughs--it's lasting, too.

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